Beer porn

10 04 2011

The beer orgy continues! A diversity of the ol’ barley pop has been swilled over the past few weeks here at Nondakure HQ. In a slight change of tack, this post will be more visual than textual. In other words, I’m just being plain lazy and can’t be bothered constructing a proper piece of writing.

Tosser's Real Dry. This is the first time in 12 years I've seen beer in a plastic bottle. Says a lot about the venue in which it's served... then again, it provides inebriated bogans with an opportunity to belt each other with their drinking vessels without actually causing serious harm. And don't even get me started on the jokes about the name of the beer.

“I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts, and beer.”

-Abraham Lincoln

Brew Dog Paradox. Now here's an interesting one... it's not exactly a secret that I enjoy whisky, so the thought of a beer matured in whisky casks - in this case, The Arran Malt - is a lip-smacking proposition. The only problem is that I've never actually tried Arran, so I'm not exactly sure what points of reference I'm looking for here (er, other than whisky) but it was delicious nonetheless. Chapel Street Cellars and Slow Beer here in Melbourne have a variety of other beers aged in whisky casks (including a number of peated whisky casks), although unfortunately the vast majority are beyond the sort of price I'm willing to pay for a beverage that, once opened, you have to drink in its entirety.

“A fine beer may be judged with only one sip, but it’s better to be thoroughly sure.”

-Czech proverb

Here is a comment left by user "Eddie murphy" on thebackpacker.net website concerning Phoenix Beer from Mauritus: "I had phoenix beer when i was in mauritius it was wicked. I got really drunk and i didnt care im telling you guys once you drink phoenix you wont drink another beer. I also like cool aid ma mama makes that for me all the time. i like to smoke weed and drink phoenix beer. Smoke de sensimiila an drink de phoenix beer!! i like to sing micheal jacksons song oh tito stop teasing, im telling mom. i also like cock." I'm actually going to Mauritius in July, so expect further commentary on this beer (and in all likelihood, the local rums) a few months down the track.

“You can’t be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.”

-Frank Zappa

L-R: HaandBryggeriet 'Norwegian Wood', Hitachino Nest Japanese Classic Ale, 3 Ravens Dark, 8 Wired 'The Big Smoke' Smoked Porter. All picked up from Slow Beer in Hawthorn. The Norwegian Wood was impressive (apparently it's a recreation of traditional Norse beer), quite a distinct spicy and smokey finish to it, and the first beer I've tried featuring juniper twigs and berries in the ingredients. Greatly enjoyed the Hitachino brew as well, the cedar barrels definitely impart a unique flavour. Definitely keen to try more from that brewery, might even be worth a side-trip next time I'm in Japan. 3 Ravens Dark has been the highlight of the last two Fed Square Microbrewery Showcase events I've been to (see my last post), and 'The Big Smoke' was a decent but balanced wallop of smoke, roasted coffee and dark chocolate. Good stuff.

“Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer.”

-Arnold Schwarzenegger

Okay, so not booze, but I put in an order for some of Blair's sauces. Deadly stuff, and an absolute must for chilli freaks. On the Scoville scale, regular Tabasco rates about 2,500 to 5,000. Mega Death Sauce is around 500,000, Ultra Death is about 800,000. And I've learned to not inhale whilst taking in a mouthful of anything coated in Death Rain habanero powder.

“He was a wise man who invented beer.”

-Plato

Tusker. Significant mainly for the fact that it’s the first beer from mainland Africa (Kenya, to be precise) that I’ve tried. Not sure if the cheeky rogues who designed the logo intended to draw a comical elephant in blackface… well, at least that’s what I see, probably says more about me than the people from Tusker. Anyway, apparently the logo is a reference to the founder of Kenya Breweries Ltd who was killed by an elephant whilst on a hunt. Here’s to that elephant.

“Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer.”

-Henry Lawson

Mountain Goat Surefoot Stout. And you'd better believe it's stouter and as bitter as a North Korean despot. Okay, perhaps not reaching Arrogant Bastard Ale standards (I mean the beer, not the tyrant), but it's got some heft to it. The financial controller at my current place of employment also happens to be in a similar position at Mountain Goat... I really ought to ask if they need an extra pair of hands, so I can stand around looking lost and confused in a completely new place of employment.





The waft of an angel’s armpit

8 03 2011

March. The pious amongst us would be anticipating the imminent arrival of Easter. The slightly less pious amongst us would be anticipating the arrival of an immoderate amount of chocolate and a long weekend. Those of us who absolutely don’t give a shit will find Saint Patrick’s Day to be the only thing in March* vaguely resembling any sort of occasion meriting celebration; any opportunity to provide a pseudo-excuse for being liquored up to the eyeballs is welcome, frankly. The fact that I’m not in the slightest bit Irish (nor are 99% of the people who observe the day either, I suspect) is irrelevant. As it happens, the only hesitation I have concerning Saint Patrick’s Day is the fact that I’m partially colourblind – try to imagine pulling out an assortment of clothing from your wardrobe that you suspect to be green, only to be (repeatedly) told by your housemate, “Nope, that’s brown… brown… brown…”

*(Nota bene: I must also tip my hat and lend my support to the Sydney Mardi Gras and International Women’s Day. Having said this, whilst I may use Saint Patrick’s Day as a convenient pretext for getting blotto, it’s rare that I find myself seeking a convenient pretext to be gay or a woman… mostly rare…)

March also brings the Melbourne Food & Wine Festival for 2011. There are some rather curious events on the calendar (An Evening of Offal, anyone?), but unfortunately, attendance at more than a handful of these will be out of reach for anyone who isn’t raking in some good coin. However, last week I attended the soundly-priced and brilliantly-named The Smelly Gorgonzola at Terra Rossa on Flinders Lane. For $25 per head my cohort and I each received four different wines produced by Campbells of the Rutherglen region, and four different cheeses to match.

A well-rounded lunch.

So, the wine/cheese pairings were as follows…

Bobbie Burns Shiraz / Toma Piemontese, Liquid Gold Classic Rutherglen Topaque / King Island Ash Blue, Classic Rutherglen Muscat / King Island Roaring 40s, Merchant Prince Rare Rutherglen Muscat / ???… evidently I was enveloped in some sort of booze’n’cheese haze by the end so as to completely forget to note the name of the final morsel, all I recall is that it was an Italian blue cheese. The soft-spoken Italian curd-wrangler introducing his wares was barely audible over the din of the kitchen and other diners.

Whilst I tend to gravitate towards stronger flavours (likely some sort of fallout from eating far too much fiery food), I found the King Island Ash Blue to be particularly agreeable despite its profile being at the softer end of the spectrum of blue cheeses, and not simply due to any sort of affinity with its name.  Turns out it’s called “Ash Blue” as they roll the wheel in the ashes of burnt coconut husks, moreso for the sake of tradition now than any other purpose. Not to say I found any of the other cheeses – or any of the wines, for that matter – to be at all disagreeable. I know bugger-all about wine, frankly, although the shiraz was gentler than I had expected, and lived up to its claims of having “a core of raspberry and black cherry fruit”. Good stuff. The Merchant Prince Rare Rutherglen Muscat, weighing in at a purse-smashing $120 for a 375mL bottle (all thanks to a perfect 100 score in Wine Spectator magazine, thus placing this drop out of the reach of most people) was sublime. The colossally intense burst of raisins was reminiscent of the Pedro Ximénez sherries I occasionally drink, but had far greater balance and depth to it.

The waitress must have had some sixth sense for habitual elbow-benders in the immediate vicinity, as we were offered an extra glass of muscat belonging to some unlucky sods who had failed to materalise. No complaints there. I’m certainly keen to head back to Terra Rossa at some point in the future, as the venue and atmosphere was extremely comfortable.

There are a couple more events in the Melbourne Food & Wine Festival that I’ll be attending over the coming week… you’ll certainly be hearing about them here once I get my act together.